The Justice Firm

Well, I found out over the weekend that I did indeed pass the Bar exam this past July. It takes them about ten weeks to grade the thing. But at least now that is over with. At long last I can finally demand some respect!

Pretty soon I will found The Justice Firm. I can already see the commercials now:  “Justice is not just my name; it’s my business.” On the other hand, I suppose that some of my criminal clients may not actually want justice…but at least they will want everyone to think they want justice, so the slogan should work out fine.

Of course, as I’ve pointed out in the past, justice has to work against the police and the government, too, and not just against defendants. So I guess my less-innocent customers can always look at matters that way.

The Public Defender and all other defense lawyers are basically an Anti-Government Prosecutors. Whereas the District Attorney punishes you for breaking the government’s rules, the Public Defender punishes the government for breaking laws.

If the District Attorney’s Office incompetantly charges you with a crime that you have not broken, the defense lawyers will make the prosecutors look like fools. If the police stop your car for no reason . . ., and then violate the Constitution to search your car for drugs, a defense lawyer will free you even if you are guilty. He does so not because he likes criminals. Rather, he frees you in order to punish the government for breaking the law — and because you have paid him money.

Now, before I can start doing stuff, I just have to get “admitted to the Bar” — whatever that means. Hopefully it won’t take too long.

Destroy the monstrosities!

Given the somewhat authoritarian nature of government in Franklin, Tennessee, part of me wonders why they have not yet established traffic cameras. Granted, we do not need traffic cameras by any stretch of the imagination; you can barely drive a single mile in Franklin without coming across another cop. These noble enforcers of the public good are always fighting in opposition to serious crimes against humanity, such as speeding beyond the thirty-five-mph limits or staying in an intersection for an extra second after a light change. But anyway, for whatever reason, fortunately people in Franklin have been wise enough to reject the monstrosities that are traffic cameras…so far, at least.

It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that a red light camera is most likely to capture the individuals who barely miss the light but who are not a serious threat to public safety. If a driver perpendicular to me stays in the intersection a second or two extra, it might annoy me a little, but there is basically zero chance of my accelerating and running into him and getting into an accident. Conversely, if someone is so drunk or otherwise oblivious to the traffic light that they plow through a redlight at top speed and into a car, there is little likelihood that a red light camera would have focused their attention.

Meanwhile, there have been plenty of studies showing that red light cameras increase accidents. In one anecdotal case,

Typical Tacoma traffic– which means that there was a large truck forgetting what the lines are for, and more people on the road than I like– and the light changed faster than I expected; not on-a-dime stop, but definitely make-a-joke-about-how-the-breaks work quick.  Have maybe a second to look at Kit, asleep, in the rear view, realize that the pickup that had been beside/behind the truck is still moving a bit fast, and…. *rockrockrockrock*  Not a huge impact, but I could hear glass crack.

. . . .

Cruddy accident, he’s liable but, frankly, the fault lies in the @#$@# idiot in the refrigerator truck and the stoplight cameras. [emphasis added]

These monstrosities make driving a bane when it might overwise be a pleasure. They rob citizens for the purpose of enriching government officials and private companies while pretending to uphold the nanny-state value of absolute safety on the roads. This past year the General Assembly voted down efforts to abolish or even restrict these cameras. Any politician who opposed these efforts, regardless of party affiliation, needs to be thrown from office. And any of you nanny-state supporters of tyranny who continue supporting them just make me sick.

If I practiced law around Knoxville or some other fascist police state with traffic cameras, I would be highly tempted to publicly advertise the following:  FREE LEGAL SERVICES FOR ANYONE CHARGED WITH VANDALIZING TRAFFIC CAMERAS. I would advertise that message, but the only drawback would be that such an ad might conceivably get me charged with soliciting crime. Maybe I should research that. This is all hypothetical, of course.

The end of school

I just finished my last exam today so I have finished my duties as a student. Specifically, I am done as a student…forever. Conceivably, I guess I might go back to school again some day, but I doubt it.

I never particularly liked school. In my mind, actual accomplishment in life is preferable to study. If you absolutely must study, practical study is the most ideal. Practical study is best because it at least helps you to accomplish things later. In school, not only do you basically fail to accomplish anything, but often you have to study subjects that are largely a waste of time. Obviously, law school suffers a bit less from this problem than lower forms of education – because law school aims to prepare the student for a particular profession. But even law school offers its fair share of boring, overly vague, and/or pointless classes.

For example, this morning I took an exam for one class. The main purpose of this class was to look at millions of situations where the one debtor borrowed money from two different banks, and then determine which bank got to keep the collateral when the debtor when the debtor could not pay back the money. That was seriously, like, most of the class.

Other classes were less pointless but tended to be too general for my taste. Give me substantive and non-pointless law! It is the air I breathe!

My Innocence Clinic class this year turned out to be probably my favorite class at the law school because it involved practical work. Not only was it entertaining and not only did I gain experience acting as a lawyer, but I actually learned a good bit more in terms of substantive law than I did in many of my classes. I wish more classes were more like it. (And I actually only took it because I needed another class at the last minute and my friend Kristi recommended I take it with her.)

But anyway, the exams and tedium are over now. Graduation:  Friday

I do still have to study for the Bar over the next two months. Hopefully this upcoming studying will be more fun than ordinary study because it is mostly practical and substantive. That is, now I finally get to learn ALL the laws in Tennessee. At last, my power will be complete!

University of Tennessee College of Witchcraft and Wizardry

After years at the law school, I have decided that law is like magic. Lawyers are like wizards. Moreover, the UT College of Law has reminded me a great deal of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Specifically, Lawyers set themselves apart from the general populace to study esoteric knowledge — knowledge which they themselves contributing to and hope to expand. Lawyers keep or maintain access to expansive libraries for this purpose, filled with confusing and sometimes ancient books. Both lawyers and wizards often wear fancy and rather identifiable clothing. (The identifiable clothing is intended to provoke fear among lay observers and admiration from colleagues.) Both groups tend to inspire the varying emotions of fear, respect, disdain among the general populace.

  

As with wizardry, lawyering means not only studying ancient and convoluted principles, but also applying these principles in appropriate situations. Proper application involves the quick and correct recitation of concise formulas. Intellect, strategic cunning, and practice are all key. Bad nerves can throw a practitioner off guard. Expelliarmus! Often the legal formulas use Latin. Moreover, speaking the correct words with the right passion, enunciation, and projection tends becomes vital. In the end, we see skillful wizards dueling before a judge and jury, manipulating reality to their advantage.

As with sorcerers, would-be lawyers must study at a special school dedicated to that purpose. Students are divided into sections at the beginning of first year. Students compete against each other, sometimes ruthlessly. Meanwhile, actually putting the art into practice is prohibited for students outside the supervision of the school. Ultimately, the profession polices itself through measures such as Rule 11 sanctions, ethics complaints, contempt orders, and such. Like Azkaban, these penalties can be harsh, but as with wizard discipline, these measures seem to be invoked too infrequently and haphazardly. Both lawyers and wizards get away with murder.

Although lawyers do not craft potions, they instead learn how to cook up contracts. These conconctions may alter the natural order for specific situations. As with potions class, studying contract drafting tends to be rather dull.

In my Defense Against the Dark Arts class – err, I mean Trial Practice – the teacher even specifically advised us to hold a pen when we were arguing to keep from moving our hands in a distracting manner. Of course, just as with well-trained wizards, we eventually lose the need for these magic wands once we gain the proper skills. I remember one time near the end of my Advanced Trial Practice class when the wise old Professor Jolley gave us a masterful example of a closing argument for our pretend case. In amazement, I just leaned over to the classmate on my right and whispered, “Dumbledore!”

Wild happenings

(Originally posted November 18, 2007)

Man, for those of you who missed the UT vs. Vanderbilt football game last night, UT won…by one point…after Vanderbilt’s last fieldgoal attempt bounced off the side of the goal. Pretty wild.

Hectivity has plagued me since the last issue of the DREW BLOG. I had to turn in one 15-page paper, and now another one is due before I leave for Thanksgiving.

A couple weeks ago, I road along with a police officer and fought crime during the nighttime hours of 6pm-4am. It was pretty neat. I got to go 110 mph on Western Avenue.

Speaking of speed, I think my current car is getting kind of old and raggedy. I sometimes wonder how much longer it will last…and what my next car might be like:

In Pakistan, our ally President Musharaff has been having some issues. Some of his Islamist (meaning “terrorist-supporting, non-democratic”) opponents have been clamoring lately, and after a string of terror attacks, Musharaff had to initiate martial law. Seems like a good idea, right? Well, maybe not, because now everyone is just mad.

You may be wondering, “What is the official, informed opinion of Drew Justice?” Quite simply, Musharaff is my home boy. Don’t screw around with him. Of course, apparently the American Bar Association disagrees with me, as they’re protesting against Musharaff’s rule. Apparently some Americans believe in theocratic Islamic government. It sure is nice to know how smart American lawyers can be.

In the UT area, a crime spree has left the citizenry terrified to walk the streets at night. Robberies seem to happen every other day, and just last week some UT students were robbed at gunpoint IN THEIR SCHOOL-OWNED APARTMENTS. The reason for this dilemma? Students are barred from owning weapons on school grounds, and many apartments forbid firearms. The ghetto people from Mechanicsville drive over here to prey on college kids because they know the college kids cannot fight back. To anyone who supports gun control, now you see the result of your tyranny! We’re trapped like rats in a box full of snakes.

I’ve seen a couple good movies lately. American Gangster did a nice job of illustrating the devastating impact of police corruption. Denzel Washington is my dog, and Russell Crowe did a nice job as well.

Another good one is SAW IV. It’s even better than SAW III. I think that whole series has been nicely done. While some people criticize it for promoting violence and demeaning human life, the moral of the series is that humans should RESPECT LIFE. The people who get tortured/killed are (mostly) people who are abusing themselves or wasting their lives away in some fashion. In reality, people like that are the walking dead already. And sadly, as the series shows, even the threat of death cannot always jar people from their self-destructive habits.

Anyway, as soon as I get my annoying memo turned in for Legal Process, I’ll be heading down to the wild woods of southern Alabama. My relatives always throw a big thanksgiving bash down there with lots of food. But there are some dangerous alligators down there, so wish me luck.

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Comments:

Emily posted,
“Good luck on your papers!
and funny video! Where do you find all these videos??”
(11-18-2007, 8:58 pm)

Competition and public opinion

(Originally posted September 24, 2007)

Welcome back, DREW BLOG readers.

The trip back to Franktown went well. I went to the state fair with my parents and my sister, and that was fun. The two subsequent weekends have been spent just chillin’ and participating in various festivities with friends. The University of Tennessee lost horribly to Florida. But at least we pwned Arkansas State this past weekend. So we’re all feeling a little better now.

You know what I really hate? That stupid Univ. Florida Gators chomp – where you take one arm above your head and chomp it down onto your other arm (like an alligator). It’s a really good thing UT doesn’t have any lame cheering-actions like that. It would be pretty gay if we did. In fact, I’m not sure if I could live with myself.

Law school continues to be a relatively decent experience. Of course, I haven’t gotten any grades yet.

Since my last posting, the mighty Fred Thompson entered the race for Republican presidential candidate. Everyone was acting like he waited around forever to jump in. I think he did well. Since when do presidential races start almost two YEARS prior to election day? I say all the politicians should’ve waited longer. Politicians waste too much time already pandering to various people. 

By election day, no one ever remembers what happened early on in a campaign anyway. I think it’s pretty funny how McCain has spent almost all his money already.

I used to want to be a politician, but now I realize that it would require me to become an insecure, popularity-seeking wuss. That’s the price we pay for living in a democracy, of course. In an authoritarian regime, politicians become the only strong men, while every other male cowers before them like scared dogs. In a democracy, the masses get (the opportunity) to act like real men, whereas the politicians become the chumps.

People-pleasing is a dangerous road that typically ends in self-destruction. In life, either you live for your own dreams, or you live for someone else’s. I almost think we should pay politicians higher salaries to compensate for the diminishment of their souls.

This past weekend, the Iranian president came to New York for a United Nations conference, and he’s supposed to speak at Columbia University today. Some people are upset that they’re letting him speak. I think it’s probably good that he gets to give one of his little talks over here. If he does, maybe it will finally get everyone mad enough to take action against his evil government.

In other news, I’ve started playing with the ultimate Frisbee team here at UT. They seem pretty nice. They’re also really hard core; we do lots of drills and stuff to improve our game tactics. Anyway, that’s giving me one more fun thing to do here in K-Ville!

This is Drew Justice, reporting for the DREW BLOG. Justice out.

Farewell to Rhodes

(Originally posted May 18, 2007)

Mwahaha, I am done with Rhodes!

As of today, I’ve been home for almost a week, but last weekend I finally graduated from college. Next Destination: University of Tennessee College of Law. Should be exciting! In the mean time, my primary task is to come up with some cool stuff to do. Let me know if you think of anything.

Before graduation, Professor Romano and I decided to hunt for those wretched coyotes. Those sons of b**ches ate his cat, and we were after them with a vengeance. With my trusty hunting bow and eyes peeled, I ventured into the forest. Romano brought his new gun he bought from Wal-Mart specifically for this purpose.

It wasn’t long before we lost sight of his house. The dense foliage impaired our vision, and then the sun set, worsening the situation. But we kept going. Finally, I heard a clear coyote howl off to my right. Without thinking, I darted off alone into the darkness. “Drew, NO!” called out my professor. But I didn’t listen. A moment later, a dozen of the monsters surrounded me. Their gleaming teeth reflected the moonlight. I prepared to fight them off single-handedly, but then a gunshot rang through the woods and frightened them off. Seconds later, Romano appeared. But by then, the beasts had scattered.

Next time, coyotes…Next time.

There were lots of parties and activities for the graduating seniors last week, and I went to most of them. On Friday, my parents came to town for graduation. After the ceremonies, my family went to the zoo and said so long to a few of my favorite Memphis restaurants.

I’ve mainly been chillin’ since I’ve been home. I did attend a reception in Nashville for upcoming UT law students, though, and I met a few fun people. Also, the air conditioner in my car is now fixed. I saw fORMER and PJones play again at a bar called On the Rocks. As always, they were awesome. Nashville summer leagues for ultimate Frisbee should start up next week. I’ll let you know as soon as more exciting events occur!

Shown below — Romano, prior to our quest for justice.