(Originally posted October 8, 2006)
Welcome back, everyone. All of my incredibly important work here at Rhodes has kept me from posting lately, but here we are finally. I know you are excited.
Recently, my kickboxing instructor was getting us to practice knife-fighting. He said we have to defang the snake, whatever that means. (Samuel L. Jackson would be good at that, I’m sure.) Of course, at this point, you may be asking yourself if knives are actually allowed in kickboxing. I don’t think they are. But my instructor’s motto is, “Always do whatever it takes to eliminate your opponent.” If you consider it, you will realize that is a very wise attitude. I should probably make this man my role model.
Parents Weekend was last week, and mine came to town and hung out. I saw The Wicker Man for the second time, and it reminded me of the fact that Nicholas Cage is the most ridiculously amazing man on Earth. It also reminded me that feminists are crazy. The same weekend, I went to the Mid-South Fair with some people from school. While I was there, I saw this really fluffy, all-white, rooster-like creature. It was pretty amazing.
In the realm of progress, I have come close to debunking my theory that girls at parties will become less friendly after 11:30pm. I set out to test this hypothesis at the ATO “Dukes of Hazard” party last night. Unfortunately for my scientific reputation, the girls were friendly all night long. Of course, there were a few particularly unfriendly girls as well, but statistically speaking, these people were outliers.
I always live by the Scout motto: “Be prepared.” (I’m not really in the Boy Scouts, per se, but you have to admit it’s a good motto.) For example, if a madman with a knife attacks you physically, you should defang the snake. If an insane drunk person lashes out at you verbally, you should be prepared with a canned come-back. Something like, “Oh yeah, well your mother has a beard, and your father is a fluffy white rooster!” Total devastation. Imagine how cool you will look when you say that.
As stated in the intro, this week has been rather hectic. Since Parents Weekend, my time has been occupied by tests, homework, a Tuesday Fellowship retreat (which was pretty great), Kimberly’s thrift store formal, the ATO party, and chillin’ with some fun guys I met downstairs.
The hectivity will continue this week. For my next trick, I shall complete four tests in two days. But that is the future. As you know, I only worry about the present.