(Originally posted March 29, 2007)
Good evening, readers. Tonight we will discuss an important issue. Many of my male colleagues are of the opinion that lesbians are an altogether good thing. Never shying away from controversy, however, we here on the DREW BLOG will mathematically demonstrate the error behind this opinion.
As you can see clearly from this graph, a rise in Lesbianism will result in a LEFTWARD SHIFT in the SUPPLY CURVE of women. Meanwhile, the increased number of lesbians will SHIFT OUTWARDLY the DEMAND CURVE for women. Men will compete for fewer available women, and they will be competing against women as well. Inevitably, this increased competition results in a diminished equilibrium quantity of hook-ups for guys.
Your average male experiences the deadweight loss resulting from this phenomenon when he goes to a dance party and sees girls dancing with each other rather than with him. Umm, not that that ever happens to me or anything…
Just remember: Q*2 < Q*1
This weekend Rhodes is paying over $9,000 from the student activities fun to host a lesbian acrobatic show (“The Lava Love Troupe”) in the gym. I’m sure you can feel my pain.
Of course, many people will argue that this is an overly-simplified theoretical model, unscientific and not based on reality. Those people are wrong. Others may say, “But Drew, why is your dependent variable on the horizontal axis?” …I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
Nothing terribly exciting has been happening at school so far since I returned from Spring Break. Oh yeah, except for the paper, presentation, and test that were all due at the beginning of this week. Those were all fairly thrilling. I should be spending most of my time this weekend attending Allocations Board hearings. Should be a blast!
In other news, my volleyball team, the Swedish Sharks, lost its first game this week. We will aim for improvent, though. Meanwhile, a new paintball tournament against the wicked Bio Department has been scheduled to take place in a few weeks. I’ll let you know how that goes. Oh yeah, and Iran just demonstrated how lame it was by kidnapping 15 of our allies’ sailors.
Until next time, readers — Join us again for the DREW BLOG, where I provide analysis you won’t find anywhere else!