(Originally posted May 02, 2007)
In the land of Rhodes there lived a man whose name was Drew. This man was smart and hard-working. He did his homework and studied for tests. He signed up for difficult classes, such as Professor Arce’s game theory class. He earned innumerable As and A-s, he owned a multitude of AP credits, and he received a scholarship to the UT law school. He was the greatest man of all the people of Rhodes.
One day when Drew had just gotten done taking a game theory test, a messenger came and said, “Arce just got done grading the last homework; he counted off lots of points for lame errors. I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”
While he was still speaking, another messenger came to Drew and said, “The fire of Arce fell from the sky and burned up your exam. I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”
While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “Drew, you just got a parking ticket!”
At this, Drew got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he resumed his schoolwork diligently.
When Drew’s three friends, Chase the Freshman, Caleb the Californian, and Mike the Bellingrath heard about all the troubles that had befallen Drew, they set out from their homes to go sympathize with him and comfort him. They sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
After this, Drew opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.
Then Mike the Bellingrath replied, “Has anyone who studied hard ever perished? Were the brilliant ever failed out? Perhaps you are not as smart as you think!”
Then Chase the Freshman spoke up. “You must simply be yourself, Drew. No man ever got anywhere by stressing and trying so hard.”
Finally, Caleb the Californian opened his mouth. “Drew, I think Arce hates you.”
But Drew answered, “I have done all the things you advise. I have studied hard, and I am smart. Now my GPA may tank because of one stupid class!” The friends grew frustrated with Drew, because he was righteous in his own eyes.
Finally, Professor Arce answered Drew from out of the storm: “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will answer you, and you shall answer me! Where were you when I differentiated between the two Tragedies of the Commons? Who received the McCallum endowment? Where were you when Selten made his Horse game? What is the Bayesian Nash equilibrium for a duopoly! Surely you know!”
At this point, Drew said, “Oh well, screw it.”
School is out! Not sure what my grades are yet, but hopefully they’ll turn out alright. Now it’s party time. Tomorrow I’m supposed to go kill coyotes with my Middle East professor!
(I haven’t posted since the paintball tournament, so I feel compelled to announce that Biology defeated International Studies. It was tragic. We shall have our vengeance…some day.)
Until next time, readers!
“YAY! You’re done!”
(05-03-2007, 1:02 am)
David the Magic Elephant posted,
“This blog is beautifully written. I take it it’s supposed to be some kind of parody of Job? I’m sorry you’re academics didn’t go as well as you had hoped, but I had a pretty sh***y semester too. What can you do?”