Tomorrow, perhaps the most evil holiday in all Western culture comes upon us. I am referring, of course, not to Halloween or even to Labor Day, but rather to the diabolical holiday known as St. Valentine’s Day. This holiday negatively impacts coupled and single individuals alike.
For the couples, the deleterious impacts are obvious. What used to be respectable men turn into spineless fools, heaping gifts upon their “lovers” in an effort to continue buying love. The businesses are the main ones imposing these values on us through their advertising. I lately heard that jackass from Lamon Jewelers, for example, describing how the “major leaguers” will buy their women expensive jewelry for Valentine’s Day while the chumps will only spend money on candy. But whereas the feminists typically love to demonize the evil corporations, not so in this case!
I am not absolutely opposed to giving gifts and doing nice things, but I certainly despise this entitlement mentality. Seventy-five years ago, for example, engagement rings did not exist. Now, every would-be groom feels the need to blow thousands of dollars that could otherwise be put to better use. Similarly, whereas Valentine’s Day may have once been a fun holiday, the corporations and matriarchists have significantly corrupted it.
And while the coupled males suffer from the coercion to offer entitlements, the singles suffer from being classified as second-class citizens. Although I haven’t actually notice it myself, I have heard that if you get on Facebook, you can observe a significant increase in the number of “relationships” being established during late January and early February. I do think it is possible for males to capitalize on this phenomenon by finding desperate women to date, but these pairings tend to be unstable. Men should remember that if they are single on Valentine’s Day, they are actually better off. We should not take our gifts for granted!
Of course, there is at least one good thing about Valentine’s Day. That is, the day afterward, you can go to Wal-Mart and cheaply get lots of really good candy. I always thought the most romantic thing for Valentine’s Day would be to wait until the day after. Do you like chocolates, honey? Well, I just got you twice as many — because they were 50% off! Same goes for roses any everything else (except probably those stupid diamonds from that jackass jeweler). And you could avoid all the crowds at the restaurant. Things would even feel more individual and spontaneous and less herd-oriented — because no one else would be doing it!
I met this chick recently who said that she hated the cliche nature of Valentine’s Day so much that if a guy ever proposed to her on Valentine’s Day, she would decline. Woman of my dreams.